Preparing For Your Child Leaving for University: A Parent’s Honest Guide

"There are two lasting bequests we can give our children: one is roots, the other is wings."

— Hodding Carter Jr.

The Countdown to University

Somehow ten months have passed since I first wrote about an impending milestone in our family - our eldest child preparing to go to university. At that stage there were still several months before our daughter would leave home and embark on this next exciting chapter of her life.  (You can read that post here.)

With hindsight, I realise that back in the autumn as we toured universities, it still felt like quite an abstract concept. There was so much to find out about, consider and discuss, not to mention application forms to complete, it was easy to focus on these tasks rather than focus on the what we were actually heading towards.

It’s been a busy ten months filled with final school exams, securing a place on her course, sorting accommodation, a first holiday with friends, learning to drive and school prom. But now it’s time for me to face the reality of the countdown really being on! As I write this, Vaila is on a visit to the flat she will be moving into, meeting new friends and exploring the city which will soon be her home.

Just over five weeks from now (a mere 36 days), we will drive our lovely girl to Edinburgh and then drive home without her. It’s hard to find a positive, upbeat way of saying….I’m dreading it!

Don’t feel too bad for me though - the reality is that there is so much to cram into these next five (gulp) weeks that I suspect I won’t have much time to dwell on how I’m going to feel when D-Day (Drop Off Day) comes around. 

I know I’m not alone in my impending situation. According to UCAS data, approximately 565,000 new undergraduate students are expected to begin courses at UK universities in autumn 2025. I also know that this event is not really about me. But it is going to have a huge impact on my life, emotionally, practically and financially, so I’m trying to prepare myself for this monumental change.

The majority of those 565,000 undergraduates will have parents also preparing for the autumn so let’s dive into this together. In this post I’ll share my fears about my daughter moving out and the advice I'm trying to give to myself and any of you who are facing similar worries.

Concerns About My Child Going To University

⚠️ I’m Worried About……Safety

Vaila’s excitement about finally living in the city is contagious and I am truly excited on her behalf. But I’m her mum (probably fair to say an “anxious mum”), it’s been my job to keep her safe for the last 18 years and so I do have concerns around safety for her when she’s living away from home. 

I won’t be there ready to pick her up if she’s coming home late so she is going to be out and about in the dark at night, possibly on her own sometimes. I won't be there in her flat to make sure every flatmate remembers to switch off electrical appliances. Or to make sure all the doors are securely locked. And I'll no longer be able to pop my head into her bedroom just to make sure she's OK. These are some of the thoughts causing sleepless nights just now.

💫So What Can I Do?

Have honest conversations about personal safety (without scaremongering) so she feels informed, not fearful.

Encourage her to plan ahead when going out: share locations, use trusted transport, and stay with friends.

Make sure she knows it’s okay to call day or night, whether it’s for a late-night taxi, advice, or just a chat.

Help her set up safety apps or use phone features like location sharing (with her consent) for peace of mind.

Trust what we've already taught her.

⚠️ I’m Worried About… Friendships

I know most of Vaila’s friends currently and they’re a lovely bunch. I shouldn’t really worry too much about friendships at university because my girl has done a pretty good job of making and sustaining solid friendships. But as she heads off and starts meeting a whole new group of people, I find myself worrying that they might not be as grounded, as safe, as her friends from school. What if they’re risk takers? Heavy drinkers…or worse! What if her flatmates throw wild parties in the flat and she’s not comfortable in her own “home”? What if - and I know this is irrational - they’re just mean to her?

💫So What Can I Do?

Talk openly about boundaries. Remind her it’s okay to walk away from situations or people that don’t feel right.

Reassure her she doesn’t have to click instantly. Friendships take time, and not every flatmate or classmate needs to be a best mate.

Let her know she can come to me if things feel off - even if it’s just to vent. I'll always be happy to be her sounding board.

Encourage her to get involved in societies or interest groups where she’s likely to meet like-minded people.

Resist the urge to stalk her social life (as tempting as it is!) and instead trust her judgement - she's earned it.

⚠️ I’m Worried About…Alcohol

I was a student once and my friends and I had our fair share of drunken nights out. And we were all fine! I’m not really worried about Vaila’s attitude towards alcohol. I am, however, alarmed by the horrible amount of drink spiking stories I’ve heard. I’m dreading sitting at home knowing that my little girl is out in pubs and club where this could be happening.

💫So What Can I Do?

Talk honestly about drink spiking - not to scare her, but to make sure she knows how to look out for it and protect herself.

Suggest simple habits like covering her drink, not accepting drinks from strangers, and sticking with trusted friends.

Help her get a few safety tools like drink spiking test kits or a protective bottle stopper, if she wants them.

Remind her that she never needs to drink to fit in and that we're proud of her for knowing her limits.

Keep the conversation open so she feels safe telling you when a night hasn’t gone to plan.

⚠️ I’m Worried About…Finances

When I moved into my allocated flat for the first year at uni, my flatmates consisted of three other girls who were from similar backgrounds to me. And then there was P - an extremely wealthy girl who was mortified during fresher’s week to discover that there was actually a limit on her credit card. None of the rest of us even had a credit card yet! Sharing a flat with someone who jetted back and forward to Switzerland for weekends, went to the most expensive clubs and later moved into a flat most of us could only dream of was eye-opening - university accommodation really can bring together people from a wide variety of backgrounds! 

I was fortunate that the rest of my flatmates were living on a student budget similar to my own and we were able to embrace our newfound student poverty together! However, I have irrationally found myself worrying about Vaila ending up in a flat full of wealthier students and not being able to join in with all the lovely things they can afford.

Living is expensive these days and suddenly having to budget for every aspect of life is going to be a challenge for my girl, just as it will be for all youngsters adjusting to living away from home. I have to acknowledge some feelings of guilt too - if I was still teaching I know we would be able to help more with her living costs. And it’s never nice to feel guilty about what you’re not able to do for your kids.

💫So What Can I Do?

Support her in learning to budget - everything from rent to takeaways, so she’s not blindsided by costs.

Work with her to plan a realistic budget, including a few “just-for-fun” treats, so it doesn’t feel too restrictive.

Reassure her that saying no is okay - that it's OK to save her spending for things that truly matter to her.

Point her toward student discounts, store deals and cashback apps to help her budget stretch further.

Remind myself that our support isn’t just financial. Whatever our economic situation, we can continue to offer our guidance, care and support.

⚠️ I’m Worried About…Uni Life Not Living Up To Her Expectations

My daughter is so excited about being independent, making new friends and living in a city she already loves. And that’s exactly how it should be. But occasionally I find myself wondering: what if it doesn’t live up to her expectations? What if the city feels lonelier than she imagined, or the nights out aren’t as fun as the stories she’s heard? And although I know she's excited about putting her own stamp on her room to make it feel homely, what if she misses the comforts of the family home?

I remember having a few reality checks of my own in those first few weeks at uni. I worry about her feeling pressure to love it all straight away, especially if everyone else seems to be thriving on Instagram. How will she feel if it’s harder than she thought? How will she cope? I can't bear the thought of her being away from home and unhappy!

💫So What Can I Do?

Acknowledge the excitement and the unknowns. Remind her it’s normal for big changes to come with ups and downs.

Encourage her to give it time. Friendships, confidence and routine rarely fall into place in the first few weeks.

If it seems appropriate, talk about backup plans - not to plant doubt, but to show her it’s okay to reassess and ask for support if things feel off.

Stay connected without pressure. Regular check-ins give her space to talk without feeling like she’s reporting in.

Let her know that disappointment doesn’t mean failure. It’s just part of finding her feet in a brand-new chapter.

Final Thoughts

As the countdown continues and picks up pace, I find myself swinging between pride and worry, excitement and sadness. Watching Vaila prepare to step into this new phase of her life is a reminder of what growing up is all about -  not just for her, but for me, too.

I know most of what I’m feeling is completely normal. It’s part of parenting: we raise our children to become independent, to explore, to leave. But I’m not sure there’s any way to truly prepare for the reality of how hard it can be when they actually do.

One thing I’m determined to do is to continue to share in her excitement and be here to fully support her in this next chapter - whatever it may bring - as my own parents did for me.

I also know that in order to support her well, I need to take care of myself too and I’m already thinking ahead to September and what I’m going to do on the other side of Drop Off Day. That’s something I’ll explore more in my next post: how I’m preparing for the shift in daily life once she’s left and what I’m learning about looking after myself in the process.

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